Kirk's Enterprise
by EgyptianStargazer
Summary: Kirk repairs the Enterprise's warp core, but at what cost? Beta by: K8DGR81


Jim staggered as the dizziness overtook him once again. Jim couldn't afford to lose consciousness now; he had to save his ship. The ship that held his whole crew, the crew that caused none of this catastrophe. No, this was his fault and he would fix it.

The Captain paused in his steps towards the warp core; his stomach once again lurched and all he could do was think about the task at hand, or he might lose more than just what he had to eat before this man hunt had started. Jim surged forward, knowing that if he got that core aligned then the Enterprise, and everyone on board, would survive.

When he entered the core room he marveled at the size of it all. It was rare to see it in this state; although unaligned cores had been heard of, it just didn't happen too often. Jim bared his teeth as he thought of how Admiral Marcus just had to mess with Scotty's engine! Jim had messed up royally.

"I should have listened to everyone," he muttered.

Slowly and painfully Jim hauled himself up to the core. All the while all he could honestly think about was how much worse this had to be than galactic cosmic radiation. He didn't even want to try to compare it to a solar particle event. He chuckled, realizing this was what Bones would be spouting off at him and that Spock would have enjoyed hearing the ensuing debate.

The Captain of the Enterprise frowned as his thoughts trailed to Spock. His Science Officer, his First Officer, his…

Jim's blue eyes narrowed as he latched onto the bar above him. This is what Spock totally would have done.

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

He started kicking at the core piece, aware that he didn't have much time left until they reached earth (not to mention until his own life ran out). He clenched his teeth as he raised his body up again and kicked. It was becoming painful and he was starting to lose it. Jim had to focus on something. Oddly enough his thoughts went back to his Vulcan crew member.

The one crew member he still couldn't get to admit he was his friend, when he himself had moved past that and possibly onto something more.

Jim narrowed his eyes; there was no freaking way in hell he was going down, he had to save the crew. He summoned the strength he wasn't aware he had left and slammed down on the core piece.

With a bang the core slipped back into place, sending him rocketing off the damn contraption and into a huge pipe. It nearly knocked the wind out of him. With his eyes slowly drifting shut, he realized he had one regret still hanging over his head as he crawled his way back to the engine room door.

Spock…

He never told Spock how much he had cared for him.

How much more he meant to him than just a friend.

"I'm sorry…Spock."

"Open it!"

"The decontamination process isn't finished yet, ye'd flood the whole compartment."

Kirk wasn't sure how long he had been leaning against that wall; either way he was just glad Spock was there. He leaned up, touching a button that closed the door behind him. There...now the decontamination process could get further underway. Although he knew there was no chance in saving himself now.

No one could.

"How's our ship?"

"Out of danger. You saved the crew."

Kirk blinked for a moment, wondering why he seemed to be seeing tears well up in his First Officer's eyes. Man, that radiation sure was starting to do a number on his sight. "You used what he wanted against him. That's a nice move."

Cool, his Vulcan crew member was now thinking how he would think.

"It is what you would have done."

Kirk smiled through labored breath, "And this…this is what you would've done."

A moment lapsed between them, until Kirk's eyes flickered up to look at Spock and his brows furrowed as he realized he didn't want to leave. He couldn't leave, not when he had so much to look forward to. He was Captain James T. Kirk and he wanted to spend his life on amazing missions into space with his crew, with his…Spock.

"I'm scared, Spock. Help me not be. How do you choose not to feel?"

Kirk really needed his First Officer right about now. He needed his guidance in this field, but he saw Spock narrow his brow and tears start falling from his eyes.

The Vuclan's voice quivered, "I do not know. Right now, I am failing."

The Captain watched as the tear fell. Shit, he really botched things up this time, didn't he? He coughed a bit, then looked up with what he hoped was a more determined face as he spoke his next words. Kirk had to tell Spock how he felt for him.

"I want you to know," Kirk sucked in a breath, it was really getting hard to breathe, "…know why I couldn't let you die. Why I came back."

"Because you are my friend."

Kirk wished he could cry right now. Or was he crying? His nervous system was shot to hell. He dragged in some air and let it out slowly, his body shook. Oh god, this was going to happen and he really couldn't stop it. He used whatever strength he had left and placed his hand upon the glass. Kirk's eyes watched as Spock sucked in a breath and placed his hand there too, in the Vulcan Ta'al sign. It took a lot of effort, but after a moment Jim was able to mirror the sign with his own.

His eyes flickered to Spock's, holding his attention. Shit, he seriously wasn't ready. He never got to tell Spock. He went to open his mouth but found out he couldn't. Oh…OH…so this was it huh? This was how it all ended.

His sight was beginning to dim and all he could think about while he was fading away was…

'I love you…Spock.'


End file.
